freakydeak singer for hire
Slices are going on hiatus this summer due to Mike being on tour as Tusk Lord with fellow freaks Mike Tamburo, Hunted Creatures, and Chris “I was in The First Step” Niels. John will also be “hitting the road” with Fashionable Idiots recording artists Rot Shit. Mike “Ovens” and I will be stuck in Pittsburgh since we are grown-ups and have grown-up jobs and responsibilities. Mike will still be moonlighting as “Eggman the Horrible” in Brain Handle, but I will be left bandless until the end of August. And so I am offering my throat to anyone interested in starting the following projects:
Toy Dolls style band aka “Fun Punk”: This is contingent on me being able to sing in a funny British accent.
Aus Rotten cover band: I already know all the words, except for that one song that’s like three hours long.
Early GG Allin (Jabbers) style: Back before GG starting shitting all over himself and was interested in being in a band that didn’t suck, he fronted The Jabbers. Their first album “Always Was, Is and Always Shall Be” is perfectly snotty 77 style punk. The aim of this band is to emulate the song “1980’s Rock’n'Roll.”
“EPs of RP” Rudimentary Peni style: We’d be the coolest because we’d be the only band that would actually pull it off and then we’d be the most revered and everyone would love us and I could act all crazy and stuff and it would be just so great, y’know?
Youth of Today style band: I really don’t even like Youth of Today. Maybe if I was in a band that sounded like Youth of Today I would finally “get it” and I wouldn’t be such an outcast.
Warzone Womyn style band: This would actually be referred to as “Abstract Covers of Crossed Out Songs” band in all the cool punk/metal rags. Recently I went back to our demo and was impressed at our daring rethinking of “homegrown,” but on second thought, I don’t think we took it far enough. If there is anyone out there that has never seen musical instruments or heard Crossed Out, this band could be your chance to be in a band with me.
Oi! band: The way we will stand out from the rest of the street punk/oi! community is by not playing any instruments. Instead, I am looking for 20 to 30 males between the ages of 18-25 who have never done an honest days work in their lives. I want the most weak-willed, fragile manboys to stand around and just scream in the most flimsy way possible. While this is happening I will be playing samples of Tim “the toolman” Taylor grunting through a distortion pedal.
Grindcore band: We run into the similar problem as the “Oi! band” above–how do we go about differentiating ourselves from a scene that is overflowing with bands. I haven’t given this as much thought as I’d like, but bare with me here. First I think we should gather as many crickets as we can and outfit their legs with miniature contact mics and triggers. That’ll be our drum section since no drummer has been born yet that can satisfy my sick need for sick blast beats. Next I want a bassist who is willing to remove his or her legs and replace them with giant springs. All these fuckin’ grind bands these days have no idea how to properly and effectively “dip.” You know, get really fuckin’ low. And I don’t want any guitarists in this mix. I just want someone to provide a guitar for the crowd to look at. If anyone from the fuckin’ crowd tries to touch it or play it, we beat their asses. As for singing, I won’t be doing any singing. Instead I will go to Prestogeorge in the strip and eat a sandwich.
Mincecore band: Pretty much the same as the Grindcore band, but I will go to Mineos instead and we’ll have at least three split 12″s with Agathocles.
Mineo’s Pizzahouse band: I am looking for cool people to hang out with at Mineo’s and we will play the following instruments: a) large plain, b) extra cheese, extra dough, c) three cuts plain (if we are in a rush), d) pepperoni and black olives.
So if anyone wants to jam, hit me up plz.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:56 am
You could have some of these in your band.