“The cinema is always as perfect as it can be”

First there were the Sour Patch Kids. At some point, though, they started to hurt my mouth and it became time to move on. Then came Mike & Ike. This affair lasted much longer than it should have, but eventually I figured out that things would always end in tears (around the time that the contents of the box that I invariably consumed in its entirety in one sitting congealed in my stomach into one giant, indigestible Mike & Ike) and put a stop to it. That, I thought, was that.

But now along comes a new flavor of Mike & Ike. I know I should keep my distance, but how can I when this might just be The Greatest Movie Candy Ever? It’s not just the awesome new “Tangy Twister” flavors. This new kind of Mike & Ike corrects the major shortcoming of the otherwise movie-perfect (delicious, but somewhat innocuous; doesn’t make a mess; easy to eat/share in the dark) green box variety: now there are only two servings of candies in a theater size box, significantly decreasing the chance of stomach ache.

This is offset somewhat by unnecessary extra packaging (a bag within the box, presumably to preserve “freshness”) that, in addition to causing waste, also crinkles. And, of course, we’re still talking about empty corn syrup calories here. But, dude! They’re frequently on sale at Rite Aid for $0.79!

Le sigh. I am such a tool. . . .

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