Q.E.D.

har har!

ok whatever. if you don’t already know and love it, read a little about seitan, then try it out some time in a mock meat dish at your favorite asian restaurant, or buy it prepackaged and overpriced from your local health food store and sub it into a recipe for the usual meat or soy based protein. then, once you’ve realized that it not only tastes good, but is amazingly versatile and provides a nice alternative to the glut of soy based proteins you eat because you’re a lazy vegan, you can return to this post and learn how to make your own.. for half the price (and sodium) as the store-bought stuff, no less.

a warning: this is a long post. with lots of pictures. that’s the point.. making seitan is one damn ugly process and not for the faint of heart. don’t get me wrong, it’s really an easy recipe to follow and only takes about 20 minutes of preperation (plus an hour or so of sitting around while it simmers), but it really is literally ugly.. and its resemblance to a pile of brains makes it hard for a n00b to tell if things are going well. so check out these nudez and you’ll know if your seitan is up to snuff or should be abandoned before it can develop a debilitating case of locker room anxiety.

(side note: I have thrown all of the following photos up in the flickr account that I eventually hope to link with this blog, but until I am able to edit this post and format it in a more streamlined way, you’ll have to make due with the way I have it set up for now).

prologue. the old fashioned way to make seitan starts with ordinary wheat flour and involves washing and kneading the dough over and over until the starch has washed away and left only the gluten behind. if you want to be earthy, go for it. if you want to make seitan in less than 24 hours, join the new millenium and get yourself some vital wheat gluten. it, as well as the rest of the ingredients, can be found in any natural or health food store, (including the East End Food Co-op), especially cheap if offered in bulk. (make sure you’re using vital wheat gluten, and not high-gluten flour, which is simply ordinary flour with extra gluten added to help make breads stronger).

the following recipe is from VWAV, which is itself a modified version of other classic simmered seitan recipes. ultra-basic seitan would call for mixing vital wheat gluten and water, which is boring. unless you want to be boring, you can add additional dry and wet ingredients to your taste, (the flavoring in this recipe is pretty neutral, but you’ll find ways to jazz it up to match your intended dishes); just make sure you keep the same rough ratios of dry to wet.

ingredients.
dry:
2 C vital wheat gluten
1/4 C nutritional yeast
2 Tbsp. flour

wet:
1 C cold water or vegetable broth
1/2 C soy sauce
1 Tbsp. tomato paste
1 Tbsp. olive oil
2 cloves, pressed or grated
1 tsp. lemon zest

broth:
12 C water of vegetable broth
1/2 C soy sauce

* you can omit the garlic and lemon zest without any repurcussions, substitute ketchup for tomato paste, other oils for the olive oil, and tamari, Braggs or plain old water for soy sauce. no rulez!

1. in a large bowl, mix the dry ingredients together. I am doing this by hand because I don’t have an upright mixer; however, it surely makes the process easier if you want to use one. especially if it’s a kitchen aid in some trendy color. anyway, make sure they are well mixed before you do anything else.

2. in a seperate bowl, whisk the wet ingredients together. make sure the water is cold when you add it. again, you need to make sure the ingredients are well mixed before you bring them anywhere near the dry ingredients.. use a whisk or fork and really force that oil and liquid together. they love each other, they just don’t know it.

3. add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients. it’s essential that the wet and dry are well mixed before being added together; otherwise, you’d have poorly distriburted and oily clumps, and the gluten would suck up the wet ingredients and leave the poor flour and nutritional yeast by the wayside. sounds appetizing, right? once you dump the wet ingredients into the dry, begin mixing right away and get everything as thoroughly combined and blended as possible with the spoon or mixer. (don’t be afraid of overmixing here- unlike with cookies or cake, you want to make this stuff stretchy and gluteny).

4. knead the seitan. if you’re using a mixer, make sure everything is blended and let it knead the dough for about five minutes, right in the bowl. if not, a spoon isn’t going to help you at this point, so you need to dump the whole ugly brown mess out onto a clean surface, (I use a cutting board), and begin kneading. the goal of kneading the seitan dough here is simply to make sure that everything is well mixed and encourage that gluten to do what it was born to do: become stretchy. you are activating those little proteins’ super powers! you only need to knead (ha!) for a few minutes, and if you aren’t sure how to do so, here’s a tip- abuse it. just fold it over on itself, push down on it, roll it around, squish it, and so on. you will soon notice it is beginning to feel spongy and elastic; this is what you want.

5. it’s tired. let it rest for about ten minutes or so.

6. while the seitan is resting, put the broth together in a big pot. try to use cold water, and don’t turn the heat on yet. making sure the broth is cold before adding the seitan will help ensure the seitan develops a nice firm texture and makes it less likely to crumble apart if for some reason you have produced a fairly soft seitan dough. you can use plain old water, or broth and the added soy sauce for flavor, but the main role for this liquid is simply to simmer the seitan so it’s not a big deal if you change ingredients. you can also add other seasonings to the broth if you’d like.

7. return to your well rested seitan and cut it into smaller pieces. you can do this any way you want, but I usually form it into a sort of loaf or log shape and then cut the loaf into smaller slices or “cutlets.” in the photo, I’ve stretched the seitan into a loaf that is about a foot long and cut ten pieces because they will be put away in the fridge for later use and I find this sized chunk is most convienent; I’ll cut the individual seitan pieces into whatever smaller shapes and sizes I want later depending on how I prepare the seitan. if you want to cut the seitan up into smaller pieces now, or only want to divide it into a couple larger chunks to cook, you won’t be breaking any rules. in general, the surface of each piece tends to become softer as it simmers, while the middle stays firmer longer; if you want to avoid overly firm seitan, don’t use absurdly large pieces, and if you want to avoid mushy seitan, don’t cut too many tiny pieces with lots of surface area.

8. put those seitan pieces into the cold broth, partially cover the pot (but leave a little room for steam to escape), and bring it to a boil. once it is boiling, immediately lower the heat and simmer it very gently for about an hour. you are allowed and encouraged to stop by every once in a while to make sure it never fully boils and give the pieces a stir; otherwise go away and give it some time to figure itself out in privacy.

9. once an hour has passed, the seitan chunks should be floating. turn off the heat and let the seitan and broth cool completely before you remove the seitan.. if you’re really impatient, try to give it at least a half hour. the longer you wait, the better texture if will have.

10. once the seitan is cool, what you do next is up to you. take it out, cut it up and include it whatever you’re making for dinner. or, if you want to save it for later, toss it into an airtight container, cover it with the cooled broth and keep it in the fridge, as the photo suggests. you can also throw the individual seitan pieces (without broth) into freezer bags and keep it frozen. I have read that refrigerated seitan lasts about a week, and frozen seitan likely keeps a good deal longer. I have kept refrigerated seitan for at least 10 days without any problems.

epilogue. that’s all there is to it. not so bad, right? some people seem to have a really hard time getting seitan just right- it either ends up too firm, breaks apart in the broth, or is too mushy. I think this happens to people who don’t follow directions. you follow directions, don’t you? if you make sure to use cold liquids, never let the broth come to a rolling boil, and let it cool when it’s done, you’re 90% there. some other variables you can control that may affect your end product:

kneading longer will produce firmer seitan, kneading less will likely give you mushier stuff. if you don’t like what you have the first time, adjust how long and vigorously you knead the next batch and see if it changes to your liking.

liquid makes a difference too. if your dough is more liquidy, it will produce a less firm seitan, while a drier dough produces a firm seitan. again, you can adjust this variable by adding or reducing a the cold water or oil to the wet ingredients to see how it affects your seitan.

finally, different brands of vital wheat gluten (as well as the other ingredients) simply behave differently. you’ll get a feel for it.

once you’re a seitan expert, you’ll want to experiment. it turns out that you don’t have to simmer or boil your seitan. basically, you just need to mix vital wheat gluten with some liquids and cook it. lots of people have come up with new and different ways of accomplishing this that produce a wide variety of flavors and textures. for example, an easy way to enter the realm of baked seitan is to follow this recipe, which has endless possibilities for improvisation and produces a firmer texture that is somewhat like the commercial fake meats you might be used to, (like Tofurkey).

perhaps you will eventually get adventurous and attempt some seitan recipes like the ones found here and here, but in the meantime, just make a batch and chop it up for fajitas or throw it into some chili. you can handle it, really.

I listened to a pretty good interview on NPR’s Fresh Air yesterday; Terry Gross interviewed Frank Burd and Ed Klein, public school teachers who were assaulted on the job. as usual, I thought some of her interview questions were kind of silly, but it was interesting to hear about the experiences of these two particular teachers, both of whom taught for several years in urban schools and were assaulted by high school students for what will surely make most listeners’ jaws drop. there really isn’t much for me to say about the interview except that many of their observations about the environment in most public schools, support (and lack thereof) from parents and communities, and the state of education in general really struck a chord that most teachers would want the rest of the world to consider. give it a listen.

check out this Norwegian study. the abstract reads:

Negative associations between birth order and intelligence level have been found in numerous studies. The explanation for this relation is not clear, and several hypotheses have been suggested. One family of hypotheses suggests that the relation is due to more-favorable family interaction and stimulation of low-birth-order children, whereas others claim that the effect is caused by prenatal gestational factors. We show that intelligence quotient (IQ) score levels among nearly 250,000 military conscripts were dependent on social rank in the family and not on birth order as such, providing support for a family interaction explanation.

so, ahem, the eldest sibling winds up with the highest IQ, and it might have something to do with older siblings teaching and explaining what they know to their younger siblings as they grow up together. you mean teaching others might somehow improve your own reasoning skills? christ, was this study conducted by the authors of Chicken Soup for the Teacher’s Soul?

actually, in honesty, I’m a fan of this theory. I’m a teacher, and the oldest kid in my family. double genius.

so, do you believe your family rank helped you develop your reasoning skills? or perhaps failed to do so, because your dog was the only family member lower than you on the totem pole and you never got him to hold the pencil correctly?

aren’t they? I was skeptical of the entire idea behind new jerseys.. but now that I’ve seen ‘em, I love ‘em.. I even kind of like the white jersey, and no one ever likes the white jerseys….

once I find some nicer pics of the new penguins jerseys I’ll post them for comparison.. so far only a few teams have revealed their new designs and right now the bruins’ are obviously the nicest. look at that sleeker B, the lack of a stupid bear anywhere on the jersey, the 1920’s bruin logo on the shoulder, and black sleeves on the white jersey.. I already own a bruins jersey for everyday wear and a bruins jersey for hockey practice, but I think I need a third one now..

seriously. it’s (usually) not that hard and you’ll realize it’s often better. what’s more, learning to make amazing vegan dishes that you might assume are just not reproducible at home will make you feel good about youself, cause members of whatever gender you prefer to be more attracted to you, give you lustrous hair, strong nails, white teeth, and make you better at sports and polite conversation.

don’t get me wrong, I love dining out and do it pretty often; I’d never claim to hold a candle to some of the folks who get paid to prepare food on a daily basis.. but there are a lot of ways to promote veganism and educate people in a positive way; making and sharing incredible vegan foods that others might never expect is one of the easiest (and usually most welcome) ways to help people become more vegan-friendly and perhaps even consider the philosophy behind a vegan lifestyle for themselves.

here are some tips:

1. start with what you know.
using agar takes some practice. nutritional yeast can be an acquired taste. I didn’t get to know the subtle nuances of ingredients like these right away and neither will you. pick a few ingredients that you are already comfortable with and do some research to find recipes that feature them. if you’re lost for ideas, ask friends for their tried and true recipes or check some cookbooks out of the library. get cooking.. and once you have some of those recipes mastered,

2. improvise.
yep, don’t be such a baby. this is a big step, I know, but suck it up and start playing around with your recipes. get to know how ingredients interact, how foods work and don’t work together, what flavors seem complimentary and what techniques improve certain dishes. unfortunately, this means you actually have to experiment. experiment means variable and uncertain results. you’re going to make some mistakes. maybe a lot of them. if you do, no one’s going to make you wear a scarlet V for spitting out your food. there’s a saying about an omelet and eggs somewhere in the recesses of my non-vegan memories..

3. level-up.
with your accumulating culinary experience points, you can now begin experimenting with new and scary ingredients and practice some intimidating techniques. identify a dish you love, (from a favorite restaurant or the freezer aisle), but would never imagine making from scratch at home. scour the interweb, especially recipe sites, (like this one), and the million vegan flood blogs out there, (start with those “Nutrition” links), for recipes; you never know who might already have figured out the secret to Cinnabon cinnamon rolls or the famous No-Name from Grasshopper. if you need hands on instruction, enlist some moral support from friends who can show you the ropes in return for some of the end product. you’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll be able to turn out some serious quality vegan delights.

trust me, the people in the backs of restaurants don’t have magic fairies making all that good stuff, they just have a little more experience, possibly more nerve, and probably some larger kitchen appliances than you do. you can change the first two.

as free agency looms, I fear for my home team. I was ready to fire coach Dave Lewis at the end of last season, since I was pretty sure even I could have taken the Bruins’ theoretical talent to the playoffs.. but when GM Peter Chiarelli promised his job was secure, I decided to quit being a whiney fan and trust him. for a few months, anyway. then, last week, Chiarelli fired Lewis and apparently will be hiring Claude Julien after Julien’s absurd dismissal from the Devils this past spring.

I have no idea what to think about the move, other than hope that Julien can teach some of the Bruins’ forwards to go to the net every once in a while and ignore my inevitable demands to see Tuukka Rask in the Bruins’ net instead of Providence.

“Best _____ in Pittsburgh” is dangerous territory, where some fear to tread and others trample recklessly. for example, I dare not approach the boundaries of “Best Pizza in Pittsburgh,” (unsafe for vegans), nor will I ever know the lands of “Best Ice Cream in Pittsburgh.” I can, however, point you to the “Best Indian Buffet in Pittsburgh;” unfortunately you’ll have navigate McKnight Road and avoid the seductive lure of such distractions as laser tag and suburban malls to get there.

if you can do so, you’ll agree that Taj Mahal is the best Indian buffet that Pittsburgh has to offer, especially for vegans. to get the details out of the way: they do apparently offer a lunch buffet, though I have never experienced it; I have also ordered from the menu with excellent results every time.. but the only reason I go there now is for the dinner buffet, offered on Monday and Thursday nights (5 - 10 pm) for $9 (excluding drinks). be prepared to sit next to the 30-something WYEP crowd and plenty of other folks who are sure they are the most “with-it” set in Cranberry Township for knowing what sambar is.. but you’ll find it easy to ignore them as you cram your face with the vegan dishes they pass up for the “neat red chicken.”

for those who are used to the traditional northern Indian cuisine found in the majority of Indian restaurants, you will find the familiar samosas, pakoras, and non-threatening vegetable, lentil, and chickpea based dishes. even better, though, is the variety of cuisine representing the other regions of India, including southern Indian favorites like dosas, vada, and idli, that make regular appearances on the sprawling buffet. the web site claims:

Since Indian cuisine varies from region to region, we have tried to include a sampling of dishes from the entire country reflecting the varied taste of different regions. The recipes of entrees included are time tested with correct combination of herbs and spices…

While practicing authentic Indian cuisine, we also use our own imagination and creativity to introduce new and innovative dishes.

the buffet itself usually includes three or four meat dishes, appropriately located in the most inconvenient corner of the buffet, accompanied by at least a half dozen vegetarian options, no less than four of which are usually vegan. there are also usually several appetizers and the usual breads, chutneys, sides and desserts.. all of which (except for the ever present chana masala) vary from week to week. I usually load each plate with at least five distinct items and only ever once tasted something I disliked. the oil, spice and general quality varies as well, but I am more often than not pleased with the heat, (most buffets are too tame by my standards), and dishes are rarely greasy.

while there are several excellent Indian restaurants in Pittsburgh, some of which might give Taj Mahal a run for its money when ordering from the menu, (such as Taste of India), offer more “authentic” regional cuisine, (such as Udipi Cafe), or provide college vegans with all-you-can-eat chana masala in beloved South Oakland, (Bombay Grill), the sheer diversity and consistent quality of dishes presented by Taj Mahal give it the egde.

QED.

you hear the words thrown around now and again, usually by individuals who know nothing about physics trying to appear otherwise in the context of some kind of scientific discussion, or by physicists who know far too much about physics failing to communicate the fundamental nature of the theory to anyone who has not been a physics student himself. wikipedia does a decent job outlining the concepts as well as shortcomings associated with string theory, but good luck making sense of it if you haven’t completed a course in college level physics.. and such is the way for most explanantions I’ve seen, read, or heard over the years.

unfortunately, the more advanced a theory is, the harder it can be to explain to the layperson, and most scientists working in labs are too busy trying to prove their ideas to colleagues in the scientific community to worry about whether the middle aged housewife down the street or the dozing art student in their “science for non majors” course gets it. which leaves the job of explaining why physics and its nonsensical ideas are not only understandable, but absolutely fucking beautiful, to people like me.. who interact with those laypeople on a daily basis and who must contend with the fact that 99% of the material covered in a modern high school physics class is identical to what was covered in one a hundred years ago. the most recent discoveries, the most relevant applications, the most interesting and stunning and terrifying ideas have all come in the 20th century and beyond, but you’ll never find modern physics topics in a basic physics course because most science education still functions on the notion that you have to walk before you can run, you have to crawl before you can walk, and you must learn newtonian mechanics and classical electromagnetism in full before you are allowed to find out that they are only half of the story. it’s a shame, but damned if I have any good solutions; most kids do learn to crawl before they walk.

so, I find it quite gratifying when I can accomplish something like convey an even trivial sense of why string theory, (well M theory, to be more precise), makes physicists’ heads spin simultaneously with delight and disgust; I imagine Discover Magazine had the same idea when they challenged readers to produce a two minute video on the topic and submit them to be judged by Columbia University physicist Briane Greene. he’s one of the foremost experts on the topic and is also known for a better-than-average ability to explain it, (which he does in this book), and he has selected a winner, which you can view here.

I have to admit that none of the winning submissions really struck me as a true “winner;” I would like to have seen some aspects of each video incorporated into one. a two minute video on string theory needs to include simple diagrams, colorful illustrations, minimal jargon and an easy to follow, uncomplicated and logical progression from the seed idea, (which is basically that “we can’t explain gravity on a microscopic level”) to the end product, (which is basically that “we think every particle in the universe is really just a bunch of string folded over on itself and vibrating in a funny way”).

this started me wondering about how teachers teach, and why there has always been and seems there always will be such a huge disconnect between teacher and audience. everyone has a natural teaching style which is usually similar, if not identical, to one’s preferred learning style.. and successful teachers must learn to detach from that instinct to teach the way they’d want to be taught in order to teach the way the students need to be taught.

does the winning video actually explain string theory to someone who doesn’t understand it? I know I liked it, found it easy to follow and thought the choice of rubber ducky a quirky bonus, but I have a physics degree. I’d like to know what the average joe thinks of it and whether it helps him understand the nature of the theory itself in any manner, because I would have to guess that it does not. am I wrong? and why the hell is it so hard for those who possess any kind of specialized understanding to communicate it to those who do not?

I only vaguely remember watching the 1980s version of Mr. Wizard’s show on Nickelodeon; I remember wanting to try every experiment he demonstrated at home on my own but something about being five made it hard to transform those intentions into reality. (likely that, and having the attention span of a five year old, I suppose). in fact, I reserve the honor of favorite (and probably most personally influential) educational TV shows for 3-2-1 Contact and The Electric Company. however, reading that Don Herbert died encourages me to give credit where it’s due for a different reason: though I didn’t take much away from Mr. Wizard’s show as a kid, I now have incredible respect for it as an educator.

Mr. Wizard was able to walk a fine line between boring and frivolous, avoiding the temptation to present sexy demonstrations that teach minimal science content or skills, while still ensuring the material was interesting and relevant. the show operated within a narrow educational realm that most science teachers struggle constantly to occupy; he encouraged everyone to not only duplicate his demonstrations at home, but more importantly, to construct new theories about new ideas and design new experiments to test them using available materials. if only the average high school student could be expected to formulate questions, research a topic, apply the inquiry process and draw meaningful conclusions in the way Mr. Wizard encouraged, (instead of the more common NCLB-sponsored focus on memorization and robotic application of cookie-cutter problem solutions), we might be able to avoid shit like this.

I’m doing my part to hold kids to that kind of standard, but what is PBS doing these days? I don’t watch children’s television anymore, but I have often wondered if any programming exists today that encourages analytical thinking (at least with as much emphasis as, say, sharing, or, singing about sharing) the way those early educational series did.

I had no idea either, until a couple months ago when I noticed the recipe for “raspberry chocolate chip blondies” in Vegan With A Vengeance as I was looking for inspiration for a raspberry layer cake filling. I ended up using the raspberry topping from that recipe in the cake and really liked it, but still didn’t know what a blondie was. then a little later I decided to try the blondie recipe itself, but substituted strawberries for raspberries since I had an overabundance of them wasting away in the fridge. turns out a blondie is a non-chocolate brownie; unfortunate cutesy names aside, they’re very very good.

so tonight I made them again, finally giving the recipe a shot without bastardizing it. then I put some left over homemade chocolate chip ice cream on one, and promptly recognized an opportunity for the first (of what will hopefully be many) mediocre photographs of tasty vegan cuisine:

make these. even people who don’t like baked goods seem to like them. (and well they should, for the absurd amount of sugar in them). and for those of us who tend to prefer the vanilla versions of desserts like ice cream and cake over chocolate, they provide yet another alternative to the version most people prefer.. and for that we should all be thankful, lest we Americans take our vast array of culinary choices for granted. much like freedom, terrorists hate blondies and it’s your duty to eat them.